This is how he tricked me into marrying him while he was deployed. (I know right? Its a fucking accomplishment!)
Me: So when you get back can I move to Hawaii with you?
The Hubby: Sure.
Me: So...... wanna get hitched?
The Hubby: Hell yes. I'll even pay for an apartment for you in the meantime so you don't have to live in your parents basement anymore!
Me: Awesome!
The Hubby: And you don't have to work ever again!
Me: WTF?!?!
I'm a workaholic. Seriously. Before my shrink told me I should probably take a disability leave before I spontaneously combusted all I ever did was work. Even on my days off cuz those assholes don't know anything even tho I try to teach them they still call me and say "Oh mighty Parts Queen!!! Where can I find the blinker fluid?" (I'm seriously only exaggerating a little bit. They mostly call me "mom" or "Parts Master") Oh yeah, BTW I'm a seriously underpaid parts manager for a multi billion dollar auto parts store. I won't say which one. Because, sadly, I still love them. But, I digress...
Me: Seriously, just.... Stop working? Is that possible? And get married?
My Shrink: Yes. And a very good idea. And tell me exactly why you didn't take him up on this 2 years ago?
Me: Didn't you get the memo? I'm retarded.
Shrink: Oh, right....
So then The Hubby finally comes home on leave. No, wait. Scratch that. Then I tell him he should probably discuss this with his parents. Cuz, you know, they kinda raised him. And he was like "Nah, we'll tell them after" and I'm like "Um, dude. Not cool." But his mom figured it out anyway cuz she's super evil genius and I love her. She's like "So you're coming home on leave but not really coming home, you're going to Vegas? Are you getting married?" Way to go not telling them, tough guy. So then I get to meet her. Without him. Except I kinda met her once before, like 2 years ago. I think. So it was like "Hi! I met you once 2 years ago but I doubt you remember cuz I sure as hell don't! Anyway, we're getting married yay!!" And this is all because she has this fabulous idea to get my dress custom made (not even being sarcastic. This is the AWESOMEST dress EVER!! Seriously, who gets married in zebra print? I do!) So I (re)meet his parents and they're the super nicest people ever and his sister is my bestest friend I continue having discussions with my shrink cuz this is a lot to handle and
Finally The Hubby comes home. For 2 weeks. Then leaves again. Oh, but he gave me the most beautiful engagement ring **EVER**. Then he left. Oh, and we got married somewhere in the middle. Then he left.
So anyway, I'm on disability leave because I try to kill myself working. Apparently its entirely possible. Especially if you're me. I'm "fragile". Whatever. I'm just not afraid to get my hands dirty. And I'm totally going back as soon as the doc says I can. Don't tell my husband.
And I totally made my poor husband sound like a personality-less whore, and I didn't mean to. I was severely paraphrasing. If you read this DO NOT get mad at me. It all in the name of art. I took "artistic license". You love me. Lots.
I need a chupacabra foot. For scientific purposes......
Oh! Almost forgot!
The Hubby: And we can adopt a really cute beagle that is like the poster child for all adorable beagles
Me: Can we name him Eddie Van Halen?
The Hubby: No, but you have my permission to sleep with Eddie Van Halen.
Me: Fine. Can we name him Sammy Hagar?
The Hubby: Yes.
And that is how we became the parents of the sweetest cutest dog EVER. But we adopted him after we got married, so he's not a bastard or anything.
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