Packing... Oooh look shiny!!!

       I'm in the process of packing up all of my lifelong possessions and moving to Hawai'i. Kinda. I should be. I lost my mojo. When several rounds of "Runaround Sue" and "La Bamba" don't get my ass in gear I know its time for a break. And I have awful ADD. Honestly, how many people can actually look at their shit and go "ok, that's going in the suitcase, that's getting stored, that's goin in the dumpster and that's getting mailed."? Ok, probably a lot, but I'm not one of them. I seem to think I am going to absolutely *need* my great great grandmother's rolling pin. And her cookbook. And Grandpop's airplane tie pin. Because I'm ridiculous and sentimental. And extraordinarily scatter brained. So I decided it was time for a bloggedy blog. Yay!!!
     I own enough makeup to warrant its own suitcase. Ridiculous right? Yeah I thought so too. But its expensive, and its been accumulated over a period of time. So it gets its own suitcase. Oh fucking well. my clothes have taken up another 3. I have one empty suitcase and I'm debating leaving it. But I could put stuff I don't need in there. Like my coffee mug collection and my limited edition Batmobile model. Or the kitchen sink. See the problem here? I'm on a steady diet of Clonopin and muscle relaxers just to function. Every piece of my body is pissed at me. "Hi!!! Remember me? No? Now ya do!!!!!" Bastards. I probably have about less than half of my apartment packed. Because my body is angry. And my brain doesn't like focusing and coordinating. The sad thing? If I was packing someone else's stuff it would be done yesterday. Soy Capitan. I also have til the 16th to be out of my apartment, but I don't want to push it because I'm leaving on the 21st. So I'm moving out Monday/Tuesday (12th/13th).
      It doesn't help that Samuel L Jackson is constantly under my feet and getting into everything. I love him to pieces but he's spent a decent amount of time in his kennel today. Laying on my clothes while I'm trying to fold and pack them, eating bows off Christmas presents that took me 3 hours to wrap (several breaks were taken), trying to eat my fingers because he's a little you-know-what. And a Mogwai. So he got a few time outs. Which was very distracting. And counter-productive. I want a fairy godmother to swoop in with her magic wand and fix everything. *Bippity, Boppity, Boo*. Magic. Done. And she could transform Sam into something less obtrusive and obnoxious in order to save time and distraction. Meanwhile, I'm sipping coffee reading a book with my poor, aching feet up. My back and my neck are no longer protesting, they've gone on motherfucking strike. Every time I move something snapcracklepop zings. And I can't get in to see a dr til January. Guess where I'll be in January? Yeah, not here. Which brings me to:
    I love you, San Diego. You are beautiful and magical and will always hold a big place in my heart. I love your architecture, your unique mix of modern, retro and historic. I love your museums, your coast, downtown, your breathtaking hillsides and barren deserts. I love everything about you. Except maybe your over population issue. Its getting a little hard to breathe here. And as much as I love everything that you are, I need to move on. I know you understand. And I'll always come back to visit. Promise. Escondido, as dirty as you are I love you. Your downtown is amazing. I've lived with you my whole life. As much as everyone else hates you, I love you that much more. You are unique and wonderful.
       Is this long enough yet? Do I have to get back to packing? I really don't want to. My body is enjoying the rest. So is my brain. I think I'm pretty close to losing it. I'm tired and cranky and overworked. And just about everything hurts. And I'm hungry. Too bad I didn't buy any groceries. Dammit. Time to introduce Samuel L Jackson to Mr Oven...

Apparently I have A Problem

These are my most commonly used tags, and I only have about 5 posts:

anxiety, banana splits, bettie page, blonde, debbie harry, dogs, er, firemen, gremlins, I'm a retard, mogwai, morphine, penguins, samuel l jackson

Wow. Just, wow. 

Why I Think Holidays Are Whack

     They say it takes a true tragedy to really appreciate things. Or, if you're me, appreciate things less. Call me a Grinch, Scrooge, whatever. I, personally, think "The Holidays" are a load of happy horseshit. It does not "stimulate the economy", it does not really "bring families together", it doesn't make everyone in the world a freakin miracle worker. Let me explain why: WE SHOULD DO THIS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!!!! NOT JUST WHEN ITS SOCIALLY CONVENIENT. I, for one, am thankful for every day. I count my blessings all the time. I guess that's the way life is when you have terminal illnesses and practically live in the hospital. But should it be?
     Lets start with my first point, "stimulating the economy". Ok, yeah, a lot of people go out and spend way more money than they usually do. BUT, (and there's always a "but" isn't there?) people are mostly buying where they can afford to. For example, Working Mom A saves up all year to buy Timmy some really cool shit for Christmas or Hanuka or Festivus or whatever they celebrate. She has X number of dollars, she isn't going to go to the locally owned toy store to buy the new 3D Nintendo DS. She's going to go to Walmart or Best Buy or wherever has it $100 cheaper. That corporately owned store can afford to lower the price on this because they probably got a discount from the manufacturer. They're also losing X amount of profit on this item so they can be the cheapest and stimulate their sales. But that's the only number that's going up, the amount of sales transactions. Trust me, I worked corporate retail long enough. Yes, their sales numbers go up and so does their profit margin for the day, but they aren't actually making more profit, it just looks that way on paper. Follow? There is still a little added profit, but not as much as they would have you believe. And locally owned toyshop gets stiffed and falls worse because they can't afford to keep up with "Corporate America". If anything, all of these "Super Doorbuster Discounts!!!" do is screw up the economy for the rest of the year. Locally owned toy store makes a little added profit, but not much, because Corporate Yahoo store has the prices people can afford, because they can afford it. "Small Business Saturday" will help to some degree, but since everyone emptied their pocketbooks on "Black Friday" there won't be much left over for the poor struggling businessman. Then Corporate Yahoo's sales are off for the rest of the year because one huge day/week/month of awesome sales makes the rest of the year look pathetic and they'll keep pushing their little worker bees until they break.
     Ok, was that a long enough ramble? Here's my next point: Families should not need an excuse to get together!!! Don't give me your bullshit excuses, I don't care. I am soooo thankful and blessed to have such an amazing family that cares for me. They're always a phone call away, less if I'm in the hospital again. And the ones that aren't, I love them anyway. And I'm thankful to have them because they support and love me from wherever they are. I understand that not everyone has a family like mine, nor is my family anywhere near perfect. They drive me nuts with their worrying and babying and being overbearing. But "The Holidays" shouldn't be some big crummy excuse to actually pay attention to your family. Pay attention to them all the time. Thank them for who they are, and if it applies, thank them for helping mold who you are. If your family sucks and this the only time you are required to spend time with them, make the best of it. Or just don't go. Make your own family out of friends and people that make you happy. Family isn't just blood. Don't use "The Holidays" as an excuse to finally call your mother. Call her during the summer, make her day. She loves you.
       Point 3: YOU ARE NOT A GODDAMN MIRACLE WORKER!! "Paying it forward" and tossing spare change into Santa's bucket to try to make him stop ringing that fucking bell doesn't make you a better person. Because you probably only do this crap once a year. That makes you a shittier person. Example: "Pete" makes a point to buy coffee for the person behind him, to donate to Hells Bells Santa, to donate to Toys for Tots, because "Tis the Season!". "Mike" buys your coffee when he has the extra money, he saves his change in a jar and every time its full he gives it to the Humane Society, Project Wildlife, Make a Wish, Insert-Charity-Name-Here, when he has spare time he helps out at whichever organization, he made sure to get small gifts for the kids down the hall who's parents don't make much(ok, maybe no one is quite as perfect as Mike, but we should try dammit!!). Mike tries to help out whenever he can, Pete helps out during "The Holidays", but as soon as they're over he's back to being that pretentious prick down in accounting. Point being, don't use "The Holidays" as an excuse to be nice. Be nice all the time. You'll be happier, I promise.

   And this is why I hate "The Holidays". Because no one should need an excuse to be nice, to help out local businesses, to help people in need, to be with their families. These are things we should do and appreciate *every day*!!!! Plus, Black Friday totally screws up everyone else's schedule for weeks. Those of us non-nutsos who actually *need* to go to the store for something important get attacked by all of the crazies and run home having panic attacks and can't even open the bottle of xanax cuz their hands are shaking so badly, yeah, us. Leave us alone crazies!!!(Spellcheck just tried to correct "nutsos" with "fatsos". HAH!!)

Anxiety 101 (Or Why I Should Never be Left Unsupervised)

Anxiety is a debilitating disease. Its irrational and dysfunctional and takes pieces of you away from yourself. Some people deal with it their whole lives. With others, like me, its a symptom of another illness.

Today has been a day of cleaning and maniacal laughter. Basically, anxiety turns me into supertweaker without the use of illegal drugs!! Just the fun ones my doctor gives me. If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all ... (this is what happens when I get my supertweaker powers and blog while listening to Motley Crue)

Anyway, I completely dismantled my stove and sanitized it. Cleaned all of my counters, washed all of my dishes, baked a cake, decorated said cake with Winnie the Pooh sprinkles, read way too many classic movie star bios (my husband will be SO excited!!) and taught my beagle how to dance. (Note: Sammy loves to dance however he does not especially appreciate being dipped) Had a date with a friend but he forgot but its ok because now he owes me a super awesome double banana split. Which I definitely plan on collecting in the very near future. As long as he doesn't forget... I'll just get one myself and send him the bill. The he gets double screwed cuz not only did he miss out on my company and a delicious banana split but he also has to pay for it. That's what you get for ditching me, Cameron. :p


Sooooooo back to the main point, (can you go back to a main point after banana splits?) At any rate, banana splits are awesome, anxiety is not. My shrink once said "What's so bad about anxiety? Is anxiety going to kill you? Is the world going to end because you're having a panic attack?" Fuck you head shrinker. And fuck you blogger for telling me "shrinker" is not a word. Cuz it is if I say so. Why does he have to make everything sound so logical? Its like he gets paid to make sense! And now I really want a banana split. Its all your fault Cameron. Do they deliver banana splits? If not they totally should. I would be their best customer.

 So all day I've been concentrating my supertweakeranxiety powers on being productive and now its backfiring. I still have far too much energy and since I did such a good job cleaning earlier I have jack shit to do. Except blog about banana splits and anxiety. And its about 80 degrees outside and I have a 23 pound lap warmer because Samuel L Jackson has a cold and like most children he wants to be all sweet and cuddly and kick my laptop off my lap and demand affection. He needs more drugs....Now blogger is trying to tell me "demand" isn't a word either. Wtf blogger? Are you mentally challenged? Or do you need to take your meds too? Except the second time I wrote it it didn't get all highlighty but it did with "time". And yes I know highlighty isn't a word. Kick rocks, spell check. Who needs you anyway? YOU'RE GIVING ME ANXIETY!!!

I think now would be a good time to start up my Marilyn Marathon. How can you have anxiety while watching someone as sweet and brilliant as Marilyn Monroe? Oh, wait, I know!!! Half of her freakin characters have some sort of disorder. Fuck. I'm really not sure how to end this but I need to because I'm having an identity/anxiety/wtf crisis.

Especially since I opened Google yesterday and the first thing that popped up was "You're name is Galloping Gertie! How many furlongs are you?" WTF????? I have furlongs? Wtf is a furlong anyway? Thanks, Google. Identity crisis magnified. Your mission is accomplished.

Love, Galloping Gertie