St Valentine's (Massacre)

Valentine's is always a bittersweet day for me. I always hated it until I met my husband. Then it became our special day, the day I became his. It's an anniversary of sorts. I never celebrated it until we met. I always thought it was a holiday made up by card companies to squeeze out the last of the winter holiday cheer. I still have the card: "I know you hate today but I'm the far off boyfriend so I can do whatever I want." A huge, beautiful bouquet of roses and my favorites, stargazer lilies with an adorable snuggly teddy bear. He had gone back to Iraq the day before and was upset he couldn't spend the day with me. Last year, beautiful long stemmed red roses. The only Valentine's we ever spent in the same place. This year I sit looking at the divorce papers, full of bitter disappointment, wondering how something so wonderful became something so sour. It's been a hard year, peppered with pain and loss. No matter how I tried everything slipped thru my fingers like sand. Now Valentine's is a whisper of what it was, and back to being another manufactured holiday like it was before he came into my life. I do not like failure, I don't believe in divorce, but it's out of my hands. All I can do now is hold on to the few and far between happy memories and do my best to move on with my life.

I am not a Scrooge(mostly)

    This year I have been full of sentiments such as "I don't really do Christmas" "Christmas is bullshit" "Here's why Christmas is stupid..." as well as this post.  Allow me to clear things up-
   Honestly, I am usually baking cookies and other various holiday treats, decorating, enjoying the holiday cheer, etc. I love making people smile and spreading happiness. I still don't like that the "holiday season" starts the day before Halloween and all the stuff I wrote in my other blog post but that's beside the point. Last year, Christmas fucking sucked. Seriously. I got rear ended on my way home from work Christmas Eve by a moron stoner, spent the first half of Christmas in the ER and I'm still dealing with the injuries from this accident. Plus, asshole claims it never happened because I didn't call the police because it was Christmas Eve. That kinda killed my "Christmas spirit".
         I was having to stay with my seriously obnoxious boyfriend at the time because my parents hated my dog and I had nowhere else to go. So, getting rear ended and having to stay with a pain in the ass lying useless sack of shit kinda ruined my Christmas. The icing on the cake was my self appointed "perfect" sister called me first thing Christmas morning to complain. This is essentially how the conversation went :
Sister: Merry Xmas!! How are you?
Me: I got in another accident last night (I had been in a different accident less than a week before)
Sister: Oh that sucks!! Are you ok?
Me: Not really, I have whiplash and blah blah blah
Sister: Oh. You will never guess what mom did!!!!
    She then proceeds to whine and bitch about how our mom received a card from my sister's (recently) ex husband. For 10 minutes. And how mom was a bitch about it and pissed her off and how it ruined her Christmas. Directly after this rant she says "I have to go. Love you bye." Gee, thanks for the concern. And thanks for fucking up my Christmas in the process. She still has yet to talk to my mother. At all.
    So, aside from last Christmas being a complete bust, my entire year has sucked. I've spent the majority of it in the hospital. I did get married to the most wonderful man in the world, but that was about the only good thing. I don't feel like doing Christmas this year because it feels like last Christmas was yesterday. I'm also moving 4 days beforehand. To an entirely different state. Across the Pacific Ocean. I don't feel like hunting down awesome presents for people because I'm busy rearranging my life and I have very few people to get presents for anyway. I'm exhausted and I'm pretty sure with all the crap I've been thru in the last year I have a pretty good excuse for skipping Christmas this year. Maybe once I'm settled in to my new house with my husband we can have our own little Christmas. Or just wait til next year. I know "First Christmas" is supposed to be special, but what's even more special is that he's coming home from Iraq and we get to truly spend time together and have a real honeymoon. I think that's way more important than an over hyped false holiday.
   See? I'm not a Grinch, I just have my priorities straight. Besides, who wants to think about white Christmases and snowmen and chestnuts roasting on an open fire in Hawai'i? It'll probably be 85 on Xmas day. Which isn't so very different from San Diego, except its not gonna get cold at night. Santa, have fun delivering toys to all the little Hawai'ian children in your wool suit in 75 degree weather!!!

Packing... Oooh look shiny!!!

       I'm in the process of packing up all of my lifelong possessions and moving to Hawai'i. Kinda. I should be. I lost my mojo. When several rounds of "Runaround Sue" and "La Bamba" don't get my ass in gear I know its time for a break. And I have awful ADD. Honestly, how many people can actually look at their shit and go "ok, that's going in the suitcase, that's getting stored, that's goin in the dumpster and that's getting mailed."? Ok, probably a lot, but I'm not one of them. I seem to think I am going to absolutely *need* my great great grandmother's rolling pin. And her cookbook. And Grandpop's airplane tie pin. Because I'm ridiculous and sentimental. And extraordinarily scatter brained. So I decided it was time for a bloggedy blog. Yay!!!
     I own enough makeup to warrant its own suitcase. Ridiculous right? Yeah I thought so too. But its expensive, and its been accumulated over a period of time. So it gets its own suitcase. Oh fucking well. my clothes have taken up another 3. I have one empty suitcase and I'm debating leaving it. But I could put stuff I don't need in there. Like my coffee mug collection and my limited edition Batmobile model. Or the kitchen sink. See the problem here? I'm on a steady diet of Clonopin and muscle relaxers just to function. Every piece of my body is pissed at me. "Hi!!! Remember me? No? Now ya do!!!!!" Bastards. I probably have about less than half of my apartment packed. Because my body is angry. And my brain doesn't like focusing and coordinating. The sad thing? If I was packing someone else's stuff it would be done yesterday. Soy Capitan. I also have til the 16th to be out of my apartment, but I don't want to push it because I'm leaving on the 21st. So I'm moving out Monday/Tuesday (12th/13th).
      It doesn't help that Samuel L Jackson is constantly under my feet and getting into everything. I love him to pieces but he's spent a decent amount of time in his kennel today. Laying on my clothes while I'm trying to fold and pack them, eating bows off Christmas presents that took me 3 hours to wrap (several breaks were taken), trying to eat my fingers because he's a little you-know-what. And a Mogwai. So he got a few time outs. Which was very distracting. And counter-productive. I want a fairy godmother to swoop in with her magic wand and fix everything. *Bippity, Boppity, Boo*. Magic. Done. And she could transform Sam into something less obtrusive and obnoxious in order to save time and distraction. Meanwhile, I'm sipping coffee reading a book with my poor, aching feet up. My back and my neck are no longer protesting, they've gone on motherfucking strike. Every time I move something snapcracklepop zings. And I can't get in to see a dr til January. Guess where I'll be in January? Yeah, not here. Which brings me to:
    I love you, San Diego. You are beautiful and magical and will always hold a big place in my heart. I love your architecture, your unique mix of modern, retro and historic. I love your museums, your coast, downtown, your breathtaking hillsides and barren deserts. I love everything about you. Except maybe your over population issue. Its getting a little hard to breathe here. And as much as I love everything that you are, I need to move on. I know you understand. And I'll always come back to visit. Promise. Escondido, as dirty as you are I love you. Your downtown is amazing. I've lived with you my whole life. As much as everyone else hates you, I love you that much more. You are unique and wonderful.
       Is this long enough yet? Do I have to get back to packing? I really don't want to. My body is enjoying the rest. So is my brain. I think I'm pretty close to losing it. I'm tired and cranky and overworked. And just about everything hurts. And I'm hungry. Too bad I didn't buy any groceries. Dammit. Time to introduce Samuel L Jackson to Mr Oven...

Apparently I have A Problem

These are my most commonly used tags, and I only have about 5 posts:

anxiety, banana splits, bettie page, blonde, debbie harry, dogs, er, firemen, gremlins, I'm a retard, mogwai, morphine, penguins, samuel l jackson

Wow. Just, wow. 

Why I Think Holidays Are Whack

     They say it takes a true tragedy to really appreciate things. Or, if you're me, appreciate things less. Call me a Grinch, Scrooge, whatever. I, personally, think "The Holidays" are a load of happy horseshit. It does not "stimulate the economy", it does not really "bring families together", it doesn't make everyone in the world a freakin miracle worker. Let me explain why: WE SHOULD DO THIS ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!!!! NOT JUST WHEN ITS SOCIALLY CONVENIENT. I, for one, am thankful for every day. I count my blessings all the time. I guess that's the way life is when you have terminal illnesses and practically live in the hospital. But should it be?
     Lets start with my first point, "stimulating the economy". Ok, yeah, a lot of people go out and spend way more money than they usually do. BUT, (and there's always a "but" isn't there?) people are mostly buying where they can afford to. For example, Working Mom A saves up all year to buy Timmy some really cool shit for Christmas or Hanuka or Festivus or whatever they celebrate. She has X number of dollars, she isn't going to go to the locally owned toy store to buy the new 3D Nintendo DS. She's going to go to Walmart or Best Buy or wherever has it $100 cheaper. That corporately owned store can afford to lower the price on this because they probably got a discount from the manufacturer. They're also losing X amount of profit on this item so they can be the cheapest and stimulate their sales. But that's the only number that's going up, the amount of sales transactions. Trust me, I worked corporate retail long enough. Yes, their sales numbers go up and so does their profit margin for the day, but they aren't actually making more profit, it just looks that way on paper. Follow? There is still a little added profit, but not as much as they would have you believe. And locally owned toyshop gets stiffed and falls worse because they can't afford to keep up with "Corporate America". If anything, all of these "Super Doorbuster Discounts!!!" do is screw up the economy for the rest of the year. Locally owned toy store makes a little added profit, but not much, because Corporate Yahoo store has the prices people can afford, because they can afford it. "Small Business Saturday" will help to some degree, but since everyone emptied their pocketbooks on "Black Friday" there won't be much left over for the poor struggling businessman. Then Corporate Yahoo's sales are off for the rest of the year because one huge day/week/month of awesome sales makes the rest of the year look pathetic and they'll keep pushing their little worker bees until they break.
     Ok, was that a long enough ramble? Here's my next point: Families should not need an excuse to get together!!! Don't give me your bullshit excuses, I don't care. I am soooo thankful and blessed to have such an amazing family that cares for me. They're always a phone call away, less if I'm in the hospital again. And the ones that aren't, I love them anyway. And I'm thankful to have them because they support and love me from wherever they are. I understand that not everyone has a family like mine, nor is my family anywhere near perfect. They drive me nuts with their worrying and babying and being overbearing. But "The Holidays" shouldn't be some big crummy excuse to actually pay attention to your family. Pay attention to them all the time. Thank them for who they are, and if it applies, thank them for helping mold who you are. If your family sucks and this the only time you are required to spend time with them, make the best of it. Or just don't go. Make your own family out of friends and people that make you happy. Family isn't just blood. Don't use "The Holidays" as an excuse to finally call your mother. Call her during the summer, make her day. She loves you.
       Point 3: YOU ARE NOT A GODDAMN MIRACLE WORKER!! "Paying it forward" and tossing spare change into Santa's bucket to try to make him stop ringing that fucking bell doesn't make you a better person. Because you probably only do this crap once a year. That makes you a shittier person. Example: "Pete" makes a point to buy coffee for the person behind him, to donate to Hells Bells Santa, to donate to Toys for Tots, because "Tis the Season!". "Mike" buys your coffee when he has the extra money, he saves his change in a jar and every time its full he gives it to the Humane Society, Project Wildlife, Make a Wish, Insert-Charity-Name-Here, when he has spare time he helps out at whichever organization, he made sure to get small gifts for the kids down the hall who's parents don't make much(ok, maybe no one is quite as perfect as Mike, but we should try dammit!!). Mike tries to help out whenever he can, Pete helps out during "The Holidays", but as soon as they're over he's back to being that pretentious prick down in accounting. Point being, don't use "The Holidays" as an excuse to be nice. Be nice all the time. You'll be happier, I promise.

   And this is why I hate "The Holidays". Because no one should need an excuse to be nice, to help out local businesses, to help people in need, to be with their families. These are things we should do and appreciate *every day*!!!! Plus, Black Friday totally screws up everyone else's schedule for weeks. Those of us non-nutsos who actually *need* to go to the store for something important get attacked by all of the crazies and run home having panic attacks and can't even open the bottle of xanax cuz their hands are shaking so badly, yeah, us. Leave us alone crazies!!!(Spellcheck just tried to correct "nutsos" with "fatsos". HAH!!)

Why I've Been AWOL (Or "Hi Morphine, I'll have summore)

So, I started this in June intending for it to be my creative comedic outlet of all the random ridiculousness that runs thru my blonde head 24/7. So far, I have failed. Miserably. I have good excuses tho!! Been to the ER twice, had approximately 3 bouts of food poisoning and a migraine since July. Yay!!

First ER trip was due to the incision from my last surgery opening up and causing all of my internal organs(including my blood) to become infected. Yay!!!

Second ER trip was just the other day due to fainting from food poisoning. Apparently when your body tells you to put the fucking milk down and sit, you really should put the fucking milk down and sit. NOT try to put it back in the fridge. Because you will lose consciousness and fall down and hurt your arm and hit your head. In that order. But then hot firemen will come into your apartment and fawn over you and ask you where it hurts and not laugh when they ask you your full name and you say "Seriously?" because they don't understand that you have approximately 6 names and rattling them off like that isn't as easy as they think. Then you explain and they look at you like you're a madwoman. Unless they were in the first place and you just didn't realize til then. Meanwhile they're putting stickers all over your chest and you're like "Hi! I'm married!" and they're like ".... we are too. This is an EKG..." So then they think you seriously hit your head and load you into the back of the meat wagon and on with the show. But I digress....

I've been a little busy. And my vision is going. Damn migraines.... At least they're gonna give me free Botox to try and fix it!! Only 31 injection sites across your face, skull and neck. I'm gonna get my hair cut with Bettie Page bangs again. Eff that. I like my forehead wrinkles. They're a part of me!!! I don't wanna look like Debbie Harry!!

So anyway, I'll try to be a little more active here, not that anyone in particular really follows this, at least that I know of. Hey!! If you're stalking me, be polite and leave a comment. Thank you :)

Proof That My Dog is Half Mogwai

• If you feed him after midnight, he will growl for no reason
• If you get him near water, his teeth multiply
• He hates bright light (as depicted to the right)

Basically, minus the turning green and scaly/slimy multiplying, Samuel L Jackson is half Mogwai. Or maybe just a third. Any which way, there's definite lineage traceable back to Gizmo. And Japan. Which is why he likes rice. And carrots. Wtf kind of dog actually likes carrots? A half Mogwai dog, that's what. And every time there's loud noises on the surround sound he thinks its D-Day all over again. And don't get him started on that pesky cat in the next building. He may be cute but he's actually a government secret. They're training dogs to be mini terrorist assassins. They picked Sam because HAVEN'T YOU SEEN HIS MOVIES?? And he's half Mogwai.